|
|
Post by inkfink on Dec 3, 2009 20:33:50 GMT -5
Anybody up for some more wacky meta fiction?
RULES:
1. Must have at least 10 words
2. Can not post twice in a row
3. Just continue to follow the story, and we will see where it goes.
I will start it off:
Space, the final frontier. Endless. Silent. These are the voyages of the starship...
|
|
|
|
Post by Scary Gary on Dec 3, 2009 21:28:19 GMT -5
Vagabond; the last vessel of humanity, survivor of the premature death of the sun. Continuing its endless search for...
|
|
|
|
Post by professordave on Dec 3, 2009 22:10:40 GMT -5
a way to repair the ship's cold fusion reactor. Though still operating at 80% capacity, it had recently developed an uncomfortable clanging sound that reverberated throughout the ship. No one onboard knew how to fix it because all 12 of the fusion engineers were killed in a horrible . . .
|
|
|
|
Post by lynn on Dec 4, 2009 0:54:52 GMT -5
holodeck accident, next time they'll know better than asking for sex with Amazons, and furthermore, no...
|
|
|
|
Post by inkfink on Dec 4, 2009 8:30:55 GMT -5
... no one in the crew of 300 had the skills to replace the engineers. At least the starship had enough momentum prior to the disaster to continue the starship drive into space. And their small fleet of shuttle craft gave them a fighting chance to survive.
On the bridge of the Vagabond sat Capt. Conrad T. Lester. His fingers raked his chin stubble as he noted the approaching solar system on the wall screen in front of him. Leaning to one side, he punched a button on the arm of the captain's chair and announced...
|
|
|
|
Post by Gilberto on Dec 4, 2009 16:47:50 GMT -5
"Why do I need an engineer just to get a razor around here, dammit! You people are far too dependent on technology!"
He paced the room in a manic frenzy.
"I mean, who ever said we needed an 8 bladed razor? It's madness! Man was not meant to play with nature this way! The universe is better off without us!" He turned to his helmsman: "Corporal Hamhash, plot in a course and fly us directly into the center of..."
|
|
|
|
Post by professordave on Dec 4, 2009 23:31:45 GMT -5
a Celestial Super Megastore. I need a pack of Twin Blade Schicks, a Sudoku book for the Captain's head, an economy-size box of Cheez-Its and, oh yes, a Complete Idiot's Guide to Cold Fusion Reactors."
"Aye, captain." The helmsman, Lt. Smirnoff, dutifully punched 5 random buttons on his console to lay in a course. "Captain, due to the rapidly deteriorating state of the reactor, we may not be able to . . .
|
|
|
|
Post by inkfink on Dec 8, 2009 15:54:41 GMT -5
That's when the Pilk science officer, Speck, whirled from his station chair and advanced toward the captain. His eyestalks* glared at Captain Lester and through pointed lips Speck announced, "Con, you have lost your mind. I am assuming command of this vessel." Within seconds Captain Lester was a crumpled heap on the bridge, a victim of the infamous Pilk Mind Slap.
Struggling with his emotions, Speck whispered, "Con, my friend, my space brother, why didn't..." At that moment, the bridge doors whisked open and the ship's doctor rushed in.
*Pilks are easily distinguished by their eyestalks which emerge from the tops of their heads like cheap, glued-on rubber appliances.
|
|
|
|
Post by lynn on Dec 8, 2009 16:59:01 GMT -5
"Noooo!" She screamed, "You cannot mind-slap a captain! The command centre puts a safety mechanism in to prevent that sort of thing!" As she spoke the captain was rising into the air, his head expanding rapidly and turning a funny colour.
"What will happen?" Smirnoff gasped.
"Either his head will explode, or he'll become an evil genius." The doctor replied, backing towards the doors.
"That's hardly safe!" Smirnoff followed him.
As they ran for shelter...
|
|
|
|
Post by inkfink on Dec 8, 2009 23:27:17 GMT -5
Speck did not back away. Instead he was drawn to the now floating captain of expanding head. Speck knew he was the only one now who could save his friend since he... ahem... started the ball rolling so to speak.
Through all of their past adventures Speck tried to recall the many times Con saved his life and had to think hard. There was the time with the Tirillian Dust Bunnies. No, that didn't count. The Green Alien Girl Revue? Hardly. Well, there was the time Con saved him from getting married. Good enough.
Speck closed his eyes on his eyestalks and placed his hands on Captain Lester's ballooning head. The cowering crew heard Speck struggle to say, "My... mind... to... your... mi..."
PLOP!
Speck turned to the doctor and said, "The correct answer is 'head will explode.' This looks like a job for you now."
Smirnoff began playing bagpipes and noticed a blinking light on the control board. "Unknown wessel approaching... uh, Captain Speck."
Speck wiping off blood, chunks of flesh and hair, dropped into the Captain's chair and commanded, "Open hailing frequencies."
|
|
|
|
Post by professordave on Dec 10, 2009 23:02:12 GMT -5
Leaning under the console, Lt Smirnoff opened the small drawer marked "Hailing Frequencies." He pulled out a white princess phone, which began ringing, and handed it to Speck. "It's for you, Captain."
"I know that! But I always let it ring three times before answering. I don't want to appear too eager." One of his eyestalks looked over at Doctor Leanovah Patience. "Doctor Patience, get a stretcher, a mop, and a bucket and take Captain Lester down to sickbay. He's taken gravely ill."
After the third ring, Speck picked up the receiver. "Hello, this is Captain Speck of the Starship Vagabond, the last vessel of humanity. Who am I speaking with?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Gilberto on Dec 12, 2009 7:08:55 GMT -5
"Why have you violated our air space?" demanded the shrill voice on the other end. "The Teruvian Continuum has a zero tolerance policy for invaders! If you don't break your current course we'll be forced to Blastasterate the Bustasterone out of you!"
"We wish to compy," Speck explained, "but we're experiencing technical difficulties. We..."
But he was interrupted by a slurping sound behind him. He looked back to see that Conrad's head seemed to be growing back! Mostly, anyway.
The Captain's face was a malformed mess, but somewhere in it there were eyes and a mouth.
"Con," said Speck, "I..."
Conrad scissor-kicked him in the sternum before he could finish the thought, then scrambled back to his feet.
"Corporal Hamhash," the Captain said, looking again at Lt. Smirnoff, "penitentiate this muthafustinator for attemptifying to initianate a mutination!"
"Yes, Captain," said Smirnoff, and dragged Speck off the bridge.
"Are you all right, Captain?" the Doctor asked.
He was still twitching as he settled back into his chair and he still didn't really have a face, but Conrad waved his hand at her dismissively.
"I'm fine zone like mine's own!" he insisted. "Now let's incestigate this celestibatin' muthafusticator!"
But on the wall screen a massive ship appeared in the space ahead of them.
"Blastasteroids!" Conrad exclaimed.
"YOU WERE WARNED," a cracking voice boomed over the PA system. "NOW YOU WILL PAY DEARLY FOR YOUR NONCOMPLIANCE!"
Then, shooting right from the forward section of the enemy ship...
|
|
|
|
Post by inkfink on Dec 17, 2009 17:52:14 GMT -5
... came a greenish pink plasma bolt which would have made a mighty sound like, "PAH-TRONG!" but since sound doesn't travel in space, the enemy captain compensated by yelling, "BOO-YAH!!!" over the Vagabond's intercom.
"Defecate sheldons! Defecate sheldons!" barked Captain Lester.
"Defecate sheldons? Do you mean deflector shields?" asked Smirnoff.
"Yag!" Captain Lester said exasperatedly.
Smirnoff activated the deflector shields which absorbed the plasma bolt keeping the Vagabond in total safety. On the bridge, however, the Captain and crew threw themselves instinctively to the right, then to the left and then back to right in a possum move to make the enemy captain believe the Vagabond had been hit. Starfleet training would payoff today.
|
|
|
|
Post by jessn on Mar 25, 2010 9:29:34 GMT -5
The enemy captain doubled over laughing, "That is the oldest trick in the book! HO!HO! That's it. Throw yourselves around the deck, you fools!" As he laughed at the captain and crew of the Vagabond, he clicked a button on his chair. Every computer screen on the bridge began to glow green, and everyone was frozen in place. The Teruvian grinned, then looked shocked and startled (at the same time!).
The Teruvian's face was replaced by the face of a young, rather arrogant looking man of a slight build. The man wore a Green Lantern t-shirt and perturbed look. "Oh, Con, Con, Con...what have we warned you about stopping in strange quadrants for razors and Cheez-its? It is a clear violation of Starfleet Code 1701.453.A"
He then turned toward the Teruvian. "And you...Do you know who you are attacking? Do you? What a fine mess you have all made! Deficate sheldons, indeed!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Gilberto on Mar 27, 2010 8:32:03 GMT -5
A strange force held the vagabond crew in place, not unlike the time that sarcasian witch-woman encased the ship in amber, but probably more like the time the thulians ensnared them in the asteroid nets of their laser trawler. Kind of like the time the morphians flooded the ship with keldesian plasma coolant, but not really.
Anyway, this happened a lot.
"Initiate pantalone defecation", Conrad grumbled through frozen teeth.
"Are you talking about deflector shields again?" Smirnoff asked him.
"No..."
And the smell of fear filled the bridge.
Just then Speck re-entered the bridge, apparently unaffected by the force field.
"Speck!" Conrad cried like a ventriloquist. "You bobbly-eyed bastard! How...?"
"Pilfian eyestalks make us immune to artificial stasis," Speck explained. "Don't you remember that time the Cryotrons tried to... Jesus Christ, did someone take a dump in here?"
Speck hit 2 buttons on a console and the crew were freed. "You're relieved," he told the Captain, eyeing his soiled trousers in disgust.
Conrad ran out the door, crying "aye aye, bobbles! Culminate the sitiation with the Groovuvians while I blastasterate the turbo-john!"
Speck sighed as the lift doors slammed shut, then he looked back at Lt. Smirnoff. "Set deflectors to a modulating frequency and open a channel to that nerd in the Green Lantern shirt. I want answers."
|
|
