Once again, Gilbert was right.

[lynn]

www.cracked.com/article/195_7-things-good-parents-do-that-screw-kids-up-life/
This is a cracked article about things we do that make our kids psychos. Number 7 on that list is one of Sean's wonderful rant-worthy topics; the naming of cats kids. I can't remember the episode, but Sean theorised that the naming of people with less-than-ordinary names, like Topher, only cause the child to grow up cranky and wanky because of the constant having to correct people mispronouncing and misspelling their names. Since Sean apparently doesn't do links I'll put some quotage in here.

You'd Think...

You want your kid to be special. There are a few million Daves, Bobs and Johns running around NOT being totally awesome and obviously it's all because of their boring-ass names. So you decide to name your son something original, like Malcolm, Ivan or Dicksmash McIroncock.
But in Reality...
You have just sent your flesh and blood straight into the middle of a massive man-rape in the prison shower. According to a study at the Shippensburg University, kids growing up with ordinary, popular names have a higher chance to become law abiding citizens, while all the unusually named ones should start deciding what state they want to commit their first felony in (friendly tip, skip Texas). The study lists the top 10 bad boy names in America as: Alec, Ernest, Garland, Ivan, Kareem, Luke, Malcolm, Preston, Tyrell and Walter, which we must point out are not the names of any serial killer or presidential assassin that has ever existed, so we're assuming the research is skewed in a certain direction.
The theory is that the additional attention garnered by odd and unusual names can cause peer ridicule and discrimination in the workforce, which tends to result in a few thousand Alecs and Prestons stealing toilet paper from the gas station. So do your kid a favor and give him a typical law-abiding, mentally stable name, like Michael.

[gretl]

Thank you for posting the excerpt! I often don't click on links, either .... sorry :-(

[broox]

Now you've got me worried, is Elliot safe?

And I don't think Luke should be on that list. He's the last of the Jedi!

[Gilberto]

I'm glad I'm not the only one paying attention. I have to question those results in today's generation, though, because there are so many more kids with unconventional names than before. Also, maybe all the Daves and Johns are such straight arrows because they become carbon copies. That can blow back on you, though: I'm known two John's that were creepy weirdoes.

I think a less common name is fine, especially names like Elliot and Luke, but the supposedly normal names with weird spellings are the real problem. I knew a guy named Christiaan with 2 a's and a girl named Kymberlee and they were both picky little douches.

Plus I've known, like, 6 Dicksmash McIroncocks and they all turned out just fine.

[drivebyluna]

I got lucky with my name. Tracy is normal but still not that common.

[gretl]

Nice vid!

And you're right about "Tracy" ... the only beef I had with growing up a "Gretchen" was that I was the only one I ever heard of ever.

[Scary Gary]

;D Still giggling my ass off.

[lynn]

I was distracted by her annoyingly bad grey skirt and orange top combo, what was she saying? She was a bit actory, I like real rants, like that guy who cried because Britney Spears was getting targeted.

[professordave]

Feb 22, 2010 17:36:15 GMT -5 lynn said:

I was distracted by her annoyingly bad grey skirt and orange top combo, what was she saying? She was a bit actory, I like real rants, like that guy who cried because Britney Spears was getting targeted.

His name was Chris Crocker, which brings up the problem of alliterative first and last names. These can easily be turned into horrible nicknames by high-school a-holes. Chris Crossdresser (or Chris Kross make me jump jump for you early rap fans) and Chris Cokewhore would be examples.

[lynn]

I'd go with Chris Crock-a-shit

[drivebyluna]

Feb 22, 2010 17:36:15 GMT -5 lynn said:

I was distracted by her annoyingly bad grey skirt and orange top combo, what was she saying? She was a bit actory, I like real rants, like that guy who cried because Britney Spears was getting targeted.

Project Rant takes rants from the internet and hires actors to act them out.

[lynn]

yeah, I got that. It doesn't mean she did a good job.

[drivebyluna]

lol

[broox]

So I guess naming my kid Raiden in straight out?

[lynn]

Just go ahead and name him God of Thunder and Lightening